So yesterday afternoon I unexpectedly found myself in a situation where a group of strangers (though now I would consider them friends) shared some of the most intimate stories of their lives, particularly around the issue of coming out.
I didn't exactly share my "coming out story", per se. Not that I haven't had the experience of telling pals that when I think that someone like Leighton Meester is so beautiful, I actually mean that I think she's REALLY HOT AND I DESIRE TO SLEEP WITH HER (Would you say no to her? I didn't think so). But kidding aside, I have had those conversations where I tell an old friend that I like guys & gals, and they go "are you sure" or "how do you know" or "is it just a phase?", and you say "thanks for still being my friend", while secretly thinking: "Yes I'm sure, how do YOU know you're straight, of course it's not a phase, argh why don't you understand you ignorant shit?!?". (Umm...sorry...residual anger management issues...).
But this is what I shared instead, and it's the story that when I first moved to my current city, I actually consciously contemplated living a completely "straight" lifestyle and forgoing the part of myself that's queer (and fabulous!). I grew up in a conservative part of my country, in a family with traditional values, so in some ways it made sense to me to just take the easy road and live a plain, conventional, heteronormative life.
Yeah, this thought lasted about a week until I saw how many gorgeous girls there are on the city, and realized that I can't simply hide an entire part of my personality and who I am.
In short, my sexuality is a work in progress. But isn't everyone's? The thing that I've come to accept is that no matter how difficult or challenging it may be, I want to be genuine and live an authentic life. (Now was that last bit too corny, or would it make an impression on you if I met you while out and about? ;))
Bottom line: it's been much easier connecting with women since I've acepted that this is who I am, and how I am. It's scary sometimes, but I think it's the only way to really live. At the end of the day, we only live once, and we can only live for ourselves. And everyone deserves to be loved for who they are.
So ladies - if you're reading this, then be true to yourselves. Allow yourself to be afraid of what may come, but overcome the fear with resilience and courage. I know you can do it and I'm rooting for you. Give me a shout if you ever want to chat, cause you're not alone in this world and I for one am on your side.